We create stories in our heads about situations we believe to be true based on past experiences or fear.
A tremendous amount of energy is tied up in these stories. Our minds create them and eventually they become our beliefs. Our beliefs determine our actions, which basically determine the trajectory of our lives. Read this blog post if you'd like more.
1) If you find yourself upset (anxious, worried, mad, etc), identify the story in your head. Literally say out loud, "The story in my head is ..."
2) Understand that our stories are based on our perception of past experiences or our fear of imagined future scenarios.
3) The stories aren't true, but we believe them to be true. Recognize that everyone has their own interpretation of the past or fear of the future, so each person has their own story,
4) Our stories are based on our beliefs. Beliefs are created in the mind. Beliefs will then lead to actions, which will create the map our lives take. If we want to change our lives, we have to change our actions. This means we have to change our beliefs, which means we have to change our thoughts.
5) We can't change our thoughts without first being aware of them. Start "catching" your thoughts. Identify patterns ("I'm not worthy, I don't matter, I'm not smart enough, I'm too old, I'm not smart enough" etc)
6) If you want to change your life, you can't keep thinking the same thoughts because you'll have the same beliefs and take the same actions.
7) When you have a different perspective than someone or when you disagree with someone, try the mirroring technique I mentioned learning in marriage therapy. Here's a link. http://imagoworks.com/the-imago-dialogue/steps/